I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
