I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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