You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
