EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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