operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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