I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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