next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
