i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
