You're completely useless in the revolution.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
