margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
