I'm going to rape someone's good day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
