Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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