I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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