I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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