There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
