I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
