dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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