So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your cock deserves a montage
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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