Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think i got beer on your cat.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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