Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
