some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
