My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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