I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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