i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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