Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
