Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
