So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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