I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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