so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
