I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
