I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When are your genitals available?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
