Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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