I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
