we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so much tequila, so little girl.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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