I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
