lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its liver damage thursday
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