i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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