I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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