just come out here and I will go home with you...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
