he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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