She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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