you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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