you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
