So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
