Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
