i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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