Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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