you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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