Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
