yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
