I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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