Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
