So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
