My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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