I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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