Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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