TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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