It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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