Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
