the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Fuck appropriateness.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
