I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
