There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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