Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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