I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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