so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
