i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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