I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
