The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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