I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
