I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
