you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
soo... how was my night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
