Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The Olympian is in my bed
there is glitter all over my balls
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