How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
