How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
