AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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