I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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