My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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